Happy 6th Birthday, Ronan!

Im not sure im gonna write a new post..
it may be the first time i write a post in the day.

it is May 12th, so im gonna show my RoLove to everyone.

Happy sixth birthday, Ronan. I will never ever ever (like, ever) forget your sparkly blue eyes, your spicey monkey, how you loved star wars so much, your cart racing, your cute smile, how you said i love you to your mom, how your eyes shined when you laughed. all those things. i never met you before, but i feel this connection between you and me. it's like, you showed me how to be a better person. i will never be the person i am today if it wasn't because of you. well im still acting like shit but i am proud to say i am better than i was before. i dont know what i would do in life if you didnt exist. i might be the person who always blame everyone around me and i might be the most selfish person that's ever walked in this damn earth. sorry for my damn word btw. i never thanked God enough for all the things He gave. and complaining for all the things He didnt. but i do now. well not enough. but better than before. And your mom, im thankful for knowing her even though i never met her in person. but i know she struggled, and still into this day. for you. she is the one who shows the world your magic. I love you guys so much, and i- i dont think words worth her tears. and mine. and all RoLovies' out there.

For one day, in my life, i just wanna be grateful for what i had and what i have now. because someday, it all will be gone. and maybe, i will be grateful for the tomorrow, then the day after tomorrow, and the next day, and maybe.. forever.

i believe in you. i believe in everything your mom fight for. i believe that someday cancer will be fucked. and i believe everyone's gonna know you, the boy who brings so much love into this world and because of you, i think there's hope for this humanity.

Thank you, Ronan. Thank you so much for just being alive in my heart, in every single one of us' hearts.

And it's Mothers Day. so Happy Mothers Day, Maya aka @RockstarRonan. you deserve all the love in this world. and thank you, Maya. thank you.

I love you guys with every single piece in my heart. and i will be forever grateful for just knowing you.

once again,

HAPPY 6th BIRTHDAY

RONAN SEAN THOMPSON!

I LOVE YOU TO THE WHOLE MOON AND BACK.

Sleep tight, army guy. You are forever loved.

oh my God, this picture is making me sad :(

He Got a Face to Call... HOME

i dont know exactly what to write . its almost 2 AM here and im still awake. i dont know why, but i just think..

maybe..

JUST maybe, ...

im.. uhm

i think.. just

i just think im in love

HAHAHA its messed up. im not sure but i think im in love. because i never felt like this. these whole new situations makes me so damn weird. im not gonna write about this boy but first of all, he's a stranger and i just know his name. well it starts with the leter C :$ im blushing.

but its sad how ill never meet him in my whole life. i cant write it because its too embarrassing  yet.

its the feeling that came along with butterflies ohcrap! fuck butterflies, i feel the whole zoo in my stomach whenever i think of him. the first thing i remember about him is his smile. its just too sweet in every way.

i never fell in love with anyone in past 3 years. i guess this is why i couldnt sleep these days. but knowing i will never ever (like, ever) meet him is the worst :(

alright...

it started when i went to the cinema alone. i dont know what to do so i guess go watch a movie is not a bad idea. and it wasn't a bad idea and probably the best idea ive ever thought. and i bought something to eat -which is unimportant-, and went in. i did doubt the movie because there was only idk maybe 20-25 people. in my row there were only me and an old man. he was a bit far from me.

THEN, this part.. this part...

then there was a boy coming sit 1 seat from me. i didnt notice because i didnt care. yet. then he looked at me but still, i didnt care. untiiiiiil he stared at me like WTH R U DOIN???! i gave him a look, for like 2 secs. then look away.

he moved and sat next to me and said "would you mind if i sit here?" not in english btw, and i said "nope". then he smiled. i repeat, he smiled. AT. ME. okay. no no that wasnt okay! then i giggled.

he started to ask my name and where i live and wheres my school and stuff. his name starts with the letter c, he takes homeschooling because his old school friends were kind of bullied him for being a nerd. then i asked him "you were a nerd? that kinda surprise me" he answered "well i was" he laughed. that was adorable, and cute. he seemed like a cool guy, i cant picture him with glasses and books, tho hahaha.

he asked me my number, then i picked my phone and realize my phone was out of battery. WHHYYYYYY????!!!!!!!!!! then he told me he didnt bring his phone with him. screw it all bcs kita ga apal yu know. and why the hell on this earth he didnt have ANY social networking like twitter or something. then i believed that he was a nerd. so we just talked and didnt even look to the screen. screw the movie. it was bad. but WORTH MY MONEY!! :))))

the movie was over and i wish it would be a bit longer but screw it. we walked out and he said he came with his brother and his brother had kind of date so he chose to watch a movie. well nice choice ;) so after that, he touched my shoulder and said "it was nice to know you. i wish we could meet someday, maybe" should i repeat that again? no? okay. i kind of lost my breath and said "i hope so" then he walked away and waved. at. me. i waved back and he was gone.

it cant get out of my mind. how he smiles how he laughs how he says his dream is to be a soldier because he's tall enough (he's a lil bit taller than me). he's adorable. everything about him is beautiful. and cute. and amazing.

i know the fact he's just like a fantasy i couldnt have. but i know this for sure, im fallin in love. since that day, he put a smile on me. its crazy. yet everything seemed fine.

then one thing i keep on saying to myself is:

When you're far away from home, you'll always find your way back. And when you finally found someone you can call home, no matter how far they are, they'll find their way back to you. Because somehow, you become someone's home.

 

The Day Before Yesterday. What does it called?

it's midnight. in here. i can't sleep (like, always).
not yesterday because i used "10 hours rain sound" as my relaxation. it worked. ive never fell asleep so easily like that. but the thing i have to deal with is the broken audio on my laptop and now im awake like an idiot.

maybe i just have to share what happened today.

so here's what happens...

absolutely, nothing.

crap!

well, i just woke up in the morning and eat, and youtube-ing until my audio isnt working, and um watching fashion police, and tukang bubur naik haji (yay), and nothing. like an ordinary day.

sooooo i think im gonna write things i 2 days before yesterday.

on wednesday, i found it hard because my friend's father died and it must have been really hard for her. and i feel you, my friend. i feel you.

it was raining in in my house so i just thought it was good to write a song. that song is called My Window. because i wrote it near my window, lol. My Window was my 9th song and i really proud of it. i do really proud of all my songs but i dont know why i just proud of the story of this song.

its about seeing a girl -a little girl actually- dancing and singing. and really moved by her moves. then her daddy comes and grab her and go. but she feels sad. and she doesnt want to be with her dad. and shes gone.

its not an real story. its not happen in my real life. this idea just came up on me as the rain falls. so i just think it will be a good song to write about. i use C Major scale. at the first, i used D major scale but i found it hard because my voice couldnt reach it haha because i cant sing.

this is just a random song because i was bored and didnt have things to do so, i just wrote it. simple song but i really really really proud of this one

SOO i think im gonna post the lyrics (and maybe it will make me fall asleep), here:

My Window

VERSE I

There’s a little girl outside my window

She’s dancing around the parking lot

She smiles a little as the wind blows

Singing loud without a doubt

She finishes her dancing and take a bow

Isn't she feel so cold like i am now?

BRIDGE  

Then there’s an old man coming

He grabs her wrist and go

Like a father take her daughter to go to school

But i see her smile disappears...

REFF

Oh let the moon be the spotlight when you dance

Show the stars your beautiful voice

And darkness, don’t mind darkness

Just put on a smile and do your best moves

Oh, little girl... you shouldn’t be gone so fast

VERSE II 

She’s walking in front of me on the parking lot

I wave at her and she smiles

BRIDGE

Then that old man comes and say, “let’s go”

I say, “why?” and she cries like a newborns baby

He looks at me in the eye and say, “go away!”

I take her hand and say, “i’m not letting her go”

REFF

He says, “Stay the hell away from my daughter!”

I say, “I didn’t do anything!’

She says, “I don’t want to be with you, daddy!”

Then he pushes me til i fall to the ground

Whoa, whoa

All i hear is footsteps...

As the rain falls...

I lay my hand on my chest

Wishing i could clean up all this mess

Oh little girl... you shouldn’t be gone, you shouldn’t be gone...

REFF 

Oh let the moon be the spotlight when you dance

Show the stars your beautiful voice

And darkness, don’t mind darkness

Just put on a smile and do your best moves

Oh, little girl... you shouldn’t be gone so fast

VERSE III/ENDING 

I stare at my window for like 3 hours

Wishing you would show me your new moves

i used usual chords on this. not like my song Faded. maybe because it only took 35 minutes. this isnt so good  i know, i really need to learn more and listen to so many songs on so many genre to increase my songwriting skill cause hey im still 15 still trying figure things out. i started to learn to write jazz songs on my unfinished song It's Us To Blame. its unfinished because its hard to synchronize jazz chords. using 7 pattern on chords are not my things. maybe, just maybe i will finish that song, though. hahaha

i think im starting to feel sleepy. so good-middle-night my non-exist-readers! have yourself a comfortable sleep :) cause i think i will

Love,

Gendis,

AKA

John Mayer's wifey