i never thought it's been 2 years or more (i cant remember) since i wrote the last post. im kind of worry with my randomness in my recent posts haha. its weird i know. but im proud to say im growin u and mature now, yea.
im pretty sure no one reads this and the next post ill write. so, it wouldnt be weird to write my thoughts here.
ok.
well, i dont know where to start. but first im sorry for my grammar. but i swear its not that bad, though.
it started last month actually. i had this kind of nerve before national exam. its normal, but very unusual for me. i couldnt sleep at night. the last time i had insomnia was 1 or 2 years ago, idk. i didnt eat for a day. yes, no eat. but no, im not on a diet. i was sweating more than usual.
at first, i thought everyone felt the same way. but not until i saw everyone acted usual, ya know, like nothing happened. i was like, "seriously? does that fuckin thing didnt even cross your mind for once?" i kept saying that in my mind for hours, until i asked one of my friends.
"we're gonna face the national exam in 2 weeks. are you nervous?"
"yea, but no, not really"
"are you prepared already? cause, damn that thing keep me awake"
"come on, i dont need to study. i use the leaked asnwers, idiot"
"oh, right. okay"
shit. i shoulda known. yes, that was our convo. but no, we were not talkin in english, we're not that smart.
the next couple days were the worst. people kept asking me if i want to 'join' them. damn, i almost did because im scared as hell. so i refused. but at the end of the day, i kept thinking about "what if i fail? what if i didnt make it? what if those stupid people got the higher score than me?" (im not sorry for the stupid word). that was the worst thing that could happen.
no
No way
NO WAYYYYYY
i dont like studying. not a fan of book. but.... ahh.
i studied in the next day. not so hard, but i TRIEDDD!!
went to school was 1 of the worst things ive ever did. people kept talking about that damn things. u know.
damn
one day before exam, i had this damn fever. i couldnt sleep. i slept on 3.25 AM. good. the words "what if i didnt make it" echoed in my mind. ugh.
i tweeted @rockstarronan aka Maya Thompson aka the best mother in the whole universe, and she replied. I FREAKED OUT! like, really. it would be the good pillow to sleep on. it was. i fell asleep. oh good times.
the first 3 days were fine.
UNTIL
THE
FOURTH
DAY
fuck. i couldnt believe. i got stucked. couldnt find the answers. i blamed all of these to the govv!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that made me scared as hell. after the exam, everyone seemed right. LIKE REALLY?!! DID SCIENCE SCARE YOU LIKE IT SCARE ME??!! probably not. gosh, i felt like crying.
i went home and threw my shoes then lied on the bed. and these things came to my mind. crap.
"ive been studying since i was 13yo. 3 years i went to school and came back home. every fucking day. i learned some shit i didnt even want to know. i got punished by those teachers. i had fight with my friends. stucked in these stupid dramas. im tired. i want to move on. the thing is, can i? the fourth day scares me the most. what if i couldnt get the school i wanted. what if my new school is a crap. and those people get things they wanted without some hard works?"
everything sucks.
it sucks enough to make me end this post. really
im pretty sure no one reads this and the next post ill write. so, it wouldnt be weird to write my thoughts here.
ok.
well, i dont know where to start. but first im sorry for my grammar. but i swear its not that bad, though.
it started last month actually. i had this kind of nerve before national exam. its normal, but very unusual for me. i couldnt sleep at night. the last time i had insomnia was 1 or 2 years ago, idk. i didnt eat for a day. yes, no eat. but no, im not on a diet. i was sweating more than usual.
at first, i thought everyone felt the same way. but not until i saw everyone acted usual, ya know, like nothing happened. i was like, "seriously? does that fuckin thing didnt even cross your mind for once?" i kept saying that in my mind for hours, until i asked one of my friends.
"we're gonna face the national exam in 2 weeks. are you nervous?"
"yea, but no, not really"
"are you prepared already? cause, damn that thing keep me awake"
"come on, i dont need to study. i use the leaked asnwers, idiot"
"oh, right. okay"
shit. i shoulda known. yes, that was our convo. but no, we were not talkin in english, we're not that smart.
the next couple days were the worst. people kept asking me if i want to 'join' them. damn, i almost did because im scared as hell. so i refused. but at the end of the day, i kept thinking about "what if i fail? what if i didnt make it? what if those stupid people got the higher score than me?" (im not sorry for the stupid word). that was the worst thing that could happen.
no
No way
NO WAYYYYYY
i dont like studying. not a fan of book. but.... ahh.
i studied in the next day. not so hard, but i TRIEDDD!!
went to school was 1 of the worst things ive ever did. people kept talking about that damn things. u know.
damn
one day before exam, i had this damn fever. i couldnt sleep. i slept on 3.25 AM. good. the words "what if i didnt make it" echoed in my mind. ugh.
i tweeted @rockstarronan aka Maya Thompson aka the best mother in the whole universe, and she replied. I FREAKED OUT! like, really. it would be the good pillow to sleep on. it was. i fell asleep. oh good times.
the first 3 days were fine.
UNTIL
THE
FOURTH
DAY
fuck. i couldnt believe. i got stucked. couldnt find the answers. i blamed all of these to the govv!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that made me scared as hell. after the exam, everyone seemed right. LIKE REALLY?!! DID SCIENCE SCARE YOU LIKE IT SCARE ME??!! probably not. gosh, i felt like crying.
i went home and threw my shoes then lied on the bed. and these things came to my mind. crap.
"ive been studying since i was 13yo. 3 years i went to school and came back home. every fucking day. i learned some shit i didnt even want to know. i got punished by those teachers. i had fight with my friends. stucked in these stupid dramas. im tired. i want to move on. the thing is, can i? the fourth day scares me the most. what if i couldnt get the school i wanted. what if my new school is a crap. and those people get things they wanted without some hard works?"
everything sucks.
it sucks enough to make me end this post. really
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